I am exhausted.
Jeff's treatment was over a week ago, and while the procedure itself went well, he has been on bed-rest since Monday for a spinal headache. The house doesn't care, the laundry hasn't offered to do itself, the grass keeps growing , and the school year started anyway. I can't keep up. And I can't keep the kids quiet enough. Cooking? I can't even do that right and gave myself food poisoning yesterday. I feel constantly distracted.
These are the days when I wonder if God is paying attention. (This is not going to be one of those uplifting posts, I'm afraid.) Today I didn't hide my frustration with the pharmacy who refused to dispense Jeff's prescriptions even after I had called first and they assured me they were ready to pick up. They were filled according to the computer, but the doctor's office was unclear on the dosage instructions for one of the medications and so I could not have them. I still don't understand why they would not give me the other one at first, but I insisted that I wasn't leaving without it. I was really trying to hold it together, and I'm afraid I could have been so much more gracious about it. They finally decided it would be okay to give me the one without questions, so I checked out. I cried the whole way home.
Why does this have to be so hard? I want so much to handle this with grace, but some days, the stress of this gets to me. I know God really is paying attention, of course. Today He is stretching me, and it is terribly uncomfortable.
The pharmacy did finally get the medication issue straightened out, and I was able to pick it up before they closed. I'm praying that between the two medications, Jeff will start to improve. I'm going to go to sleep and rest in the knowledge that God loves us and wants to be our source of comfort.
Jesus said, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 Rest sounds good.