The Way Things Are

I haven't posted in awhile, and I apologize. I guess I was reluctant to write this all out at such a special time of year. No one wants to receive bad news at Christmas. But I'm realizing that there just isn't any good time to deliver bad news.

Jeff had an MRI scan on December 10 to determine whether or not the treatment has been working. On the 17th, Jeff's oncologist at the Cleveland Clinic told us that leukemia had not responded. Not only that, but the MRI showed significant progression into the cranial nerves, brainstem and spinal cord.

I sat motionless, trying to absorb the conversation that followed. There is nothing left to be done, medically-speaking. But we're still praying for a miracle and for time. Jeff hasn't got much left.

We decided to tell the kids right away, only because drawing it out makes it that much harder. Kids can sense when something is going on, and we didn't want them to feel like they were the last to know. Please, keep them in your prayers.

That's the way things are around here for now.

And in the midst of this storm, there is still peace--an unmistakable presence of the Holy Spirit. I was reading a passage of Scripture today about the work of the Holy Spirit. It's in Romans 8, verse 26, and it says "the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered." This passage is teaching that the Holy Spirit prays for our infirmities--our sicknesses. That is such a blessed truth to me right now because I cannot tell you how many times I have started to pray and could not find words. I hope that truth encourages you as well.

She Hath Done What She Could

Some weeks ago now, as I was making the bed, I caught a bit of an interview on the radio.  The host of the show was speaking with someone about a devotional book based on the story from Mark 14 where Mary breaks an expensive box of perfume to anoint Jesus’ feet.

Either the phone rang or one of the kids called me away, but I was not able to hear more than just the introduction.  But that little snippet got me thinking about that story and how it relates to having a servant’s heart.

And that’s when I started thinking of all of you.

So many of you that have prayed for us live great distances away. Some live right here and have wondered what you can do to help our family.  But every one of you have demonstrated that heart to serve like Mary had. 

For those of you that live far away, chances are that there is someone in your own neighborhood or church that could benefit from your help.  And so, I’m going to make a list of all the “little things” that friends have recently helped us with: 

•   Taking my turn in the nursery so that I could sit with my
        husband during the church service
•    Winterizing our lawn
•    Raking, mowing, and trimming shrubs
•    Rigging up our outdoor Christmas lights
•    Making meals
•    Planning special evenings with our children
•    Babysitting
•    Encouraging with calls, notes, e-mails, cards and such
•    Maintaining our aquarium
•    Hugs
•    Helping Jeff do some Christmas shopping
•    Picking him up to have lunch together
•    Listening – It is a tremendous blessing to have friends who
        don’t feel pressured to give answers, who simply listen.
•    Praying – this is no small thing!
•    Driving me and the cat to the vet and staying with us while she
        died.  Then bringing us home and burying her for me.
•    Meeting me for coffee or lunch to just so I could feel normal for
        a little while

And here are just a few more “little” things that people have done in the past, either for us or for others:

•    Helping with bedtime routine--When Jeff was hospitalized in
        2006, a dear friend would come over on Friday nights to
        help with bedtime.  I bathed kids, she helped with PJ's
       and read to them. After I tucked them in, we'd sit and talk.
•    Organizing the pantry or cupboards
•    Vacuuming under the couch and cushions
•    Cleaning out the garage
•    Winterizing the outside faucets
•    Shoveling the driveway
•    Sending music or links to encouraging music

And I’m sure there are a thousand other seemingly little things I could add to this list. 

The bottom line is this:  none of you can take Jeff’s leukemia away just like Mary couldn’t prevent the suffering Jesus would endure on the cross.  But Jesus praised her in His answer to those questioning her extravagance. He said, “She hath done what she could.”

I love your servants’ hearts.  You have blessed us by making our journey easier. You have done what you could.

Thankful

Tomorrow is Jeff’s birthday.  He reminded me that his driver’s license expires this year, and though he wouldn’t pass the eye exam for driving, we went anyway because he needs current photo identification.  The lovely lady that waited on us quietly asked if he understood he would need to sign a form relinquishing his driving privileges.  Indeed, he did.

Jeff handled today’s encounter just like he’s handled this whole illness—with graciousness and humor.  He joked that maybe we should let him take just one more spin around the parking lot.  Jeff has a way of making people feel at ease.  When the ID form asked for “hair color,”  we chuckled a bit.  I wrote “red” because that’s what it was.  (He hasn’t had any for years.)  The clerk hesitatingly told us that the system would accept “bald” as an answer.  “Oh.  Well, ‘bald’ it is, then.”  ☺

I am so thankful for the grace that God has given my husband to accept this loss of independence.  It wasn’t gradual.  He really did not have time to adjust to the idea.  In July he was driving himself to and from radiation.  In August, I drove him to his chemotherapy appointment, and he never drove again after that. 

I just think his positive attitude is inspiring.  Right now, that’s just the way things are, and he accepts that. 

We really do have much to be thankful for, and we are counting our blessings.

May each of you have a blessed Thanksgiving!

I Believe, Therefore I Trust

(Originally posted on Jeff’s Caringbridge page)

Jeff finished his steroids this weekend.  He is able to sleep again finally, but the headaches and nausea are returning.  It's been a rough evening.

His skin is really showing the radiation damage now.  It is very red, and looks like it may blister.  Of course, that is adding to his discomfort.

Our boys started asking some very pointed questions after bedtime prayer tonight.  They are worried, but it provided a wonderful opportunity to review some of Jesus' miracles and talk about the power of God and our privilege to pray.

Are you facing anything right now that seems impossible?  I would encourage you to take some time to think about the power of God.  By him all things are and were created.  That idea gets me every time.  His creation is amazing--and yes, I believe it happened just as the Bible describes.  Just as I believe he raised the dead, and healed the sick and restored sight to the blind.  He is God!  And I believe he has the power to heal Jeff.  I don't know if that's part of His plan for us or not, but I believe it is possible, and I'm going to keep asking.

"Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." Mark 9:23

Still trusting,
Adrienne

Grace

One of my favorite hymns is “He Giveth More Grace.”

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater;
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added affliction, he addeth his mercy;
To multiplied trials, his multiplied peace.

His love has no limit.
His grace has no measure.
His power has no boundary known unto men.
For out of his infinite riches in Jesus,
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance;
When our strength has failed e’er the day is half done;
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

~~Annie Flint

What comes next?

Since we hadn’t heard back from the Cleveland Clinic, Jeff called this morning to get his blood work results.  Everything looks good in that regard.

Once his brain has had time to heal from the radiation, he will begin chemotherapy again.   It will involve the same method of administration (intrathecal aka “spinal” ), but Jeff’s doctor has decided to use a different drug.

We have another MRI appointment in December  and pray that those scans will show improvement.  In the meantime, Jeff will be resting.  He is extremely fatigued, and the steroids cause insomnia.   As I am sure you all have experienced, a good night’s rest can make a world of difference in your overall outlook.  Pray for restful sleep.

Two to Go…

Just two radiation treatments left now.  That drive to and from Cleveland takes a lot out of me.  But then I remember that at least Jeff isn’t hospitalized.  He is able to come home after every treatment.

The side effects from the treatments were really severe.  This past weekend, he wanted to attend church but got very sick as we were getting ready to leave.  He was able to hold it together for about forty-five minutes on Sunday afternoon while our good friend Angie took some family portraits. 

 

Jeff was worried about his appearance knowing that the radiation can cause the skin to burn and blister, but I reassured him that his skin was clear.  (I noticed today, though, that he looks like he is sunburned all over his head now.) 

Having the session at our home meant that Jeff wouldn’t have to travel in the car or try to walk in an unfamiliar setting.  (Going down the deck steps made me nervous enough!)  Not long after Angie left, Jeff was terribly sick again, but I am so thankful he was able to participate.  We had a good time being silly, tossing leaves and just being outside for a little while.

At Monday’s treatment, the doctor gave Jeff the OK to start steroids again.  The effect really is dramatic as far as relieving the nausea and headaches.  What a blessing that is!  But he will also have to take the other meds now to deal with the side effects of the steroids.   I think the relief that the medication brings is worth it.

We meet with the medical oncologist on Friday to hear what comes next.

 

 

Angie Arthur has finally started her photography business, and I am so excited for her.  I think she is amazingly talented!  Clicking on her logo below will take you to her Facebook Fan Page.